Are you worried your teen is spending too many hours scrolling on their phone, skipping homework, or avoiding their responsibilities around the house?
You’re not alone. Many parents are seeing the same thing (and feeling the same concerns).
But most teens aren’t really “lazy”. It might look that way on the outside, but on the inside, they’re often feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or disconnected. Those feelings can come from lots of places, from school pressures and social media to politics and world events.
With all that on their minds, it’s very hard for today’s teens to stay motivated and productive even when they really want to.
So, what can you do to help your teen? There are a few practical steps you can take to support them and gently help them regain their focus and presence in their daily lives.
Learn more about the constant digital connection and how it is impacting today’s teens.
Encourage new hobbies
It might be tempting to demand that your teen give up their phone to force them back into the real world – but it can backfire, potentially causing them to rebel. Rather than taking their phone away, gently encourage them to step away from it a bit more often.
For example, you could suggest trying a new hobby or pursuing a new interest, without making it feel like a chore.
Maybe it’s a sport they’ve been curious about or some books you think they’d enjoy. A little encouragement like this can help them explore new things and feel more engaged without adding pressure.
Ultimately, it’s about giving your child a soft nudge in the right direction, helping them see that the positive natural consequences of a balanced life make it more fulfilling.
Help them set small, doable goals
Like everyone else, teens can freeze up when things get overwhelming. They might have a pile of homework and a huge list of chores waiting at home, or a big test and sports practice the same day at school. When they don’t know where to start, they sometimes just don’t start at all.
You can help by breaking things down into manageable steps your child can tackle one at a time.
And remember, every little win counts, whether that’s finishing a tough school assignment, tidying their bedroom like they promised, or putting away the clean clothes you left for them. Give them praise (or even a small reward) when they’ve completed the task, it reinforces the idea that self-control, self-discipline, and hard work pay off. Plus, it shows them that you notice and appreciate their efforts.
At the end of the day, the goal isn’t instant perfection or good grades, it’s helping your teen feel like they’re making progress and that you’ve got their back.
Spend quality time together
It doesn’t have to be a big thing sometimes; small stuff like cooking a meal, going for a walk, or playing a board game together is the best way to connect with your teen and spend some quality time together.
It shows them you care about what’s going on in their world and that you want them to be an active part of yours.
When your unmotivated teen feels more connected to you, it can boost their mood and make them more motivated to pitch in and stay engaged with their responsibilities.
Our advice: Don’t forget to ask them what they’d like to do. It shows them how much their preferences matter.
Teach them how to deal with stress
Instead of pushing your unmotivated teenager to do what you think they should, take a moment to ask how things are really going. That simple question can give you a lot of insight into what’s on their mind and why they seem “lazy”.
If they open up, just listen without judging or trying to fix anything right away. Let them know their feelings make sense, and that you understand where they’re coming from.
Then help them sort through what they’re dealing with, whether it’s homework stress, a friend being mean, or just feeling burned out from world events. You can also suggest simple ways to relax, like taking a walk, listening to music, or jotting down their thoughts in a journal, if that seems helpful.
It’s the little habits like these that can help them feel more in control and make it easier to get moving again.
Set house rules and lead by example
Even if you don’t realize it, your teen notices how you (and others in your household) handle stress. If your household is tense, they’ll often mirror that energy without even thinking about it. Leading by example and showing them a calmer, more organized approach to life can really help them.
A few practical tips for modeling good habits and self-discipline:
- Tackle one thing at a time instead of stressing over the whole list
- Set small goals and celebrate when you hit them
- Take short breaks to recharge instead of running yourself down
- Follow through on commitments so they see what responsibility looks like
- Talk through challenges out loud so they get a peek at problem-solving in action
Setting an example like this can give your teen a blueprint for managing their own life.
Know when to get extra support to help with your child’s behavior
Sometimes what looks like laziness is really your teen struggling with their mental health. Stress, anxiety, or depression in teens can take a huge toll on their day-to-day life, making even simple tasks feel impossible.
If you’ve tried the steps above, and your child’s behavior has stayed the same, it might be time to reach out for extra support.
Talking to a counselor, therapist, or even your teen’s doctor can give you and your child the tools to work through what’s going on.
Remember, getting help when your teen is struggling with mental health challenges doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means the opposite, showing you care enough to make sure your teen gets the support they need to live a happy, healthy life.
Give your teen the support they need with Western Tidewater Community Services Board
If your teen is struggling with motivation, stress, or their mental health, you don’t have to face it alone. Western Tidewater Community Services Board (WTCSB) is here to help parents get their teens the help they need in Suffolk, Franklin, Southampton County, and Isle of Wight County.
Ask their school counselor about WTCSB’s School Counseling Intervention Program (SCIP), available in all Suffolk public schools, which brings counseling and case management directly into the school day. Or skip the wait and contact us directly at 757-758-5106 or request an appointment online to get started. Families can also reach out to their child’s school to ask how to connect with SCIP.
If you want to seek help out of school, we provide a wide range of services, including same-day access to counseling, crisis support, prevention programs, and ongoing care. Get started by clicking here.
