October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It began as a single “Day of Unity” in October 1981 organized by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and later became a month-long national observance; purple is the recognized color of support.
Children’s exposure to intimate domestic violence
If a child has lived with yelling, threats, broken objects, or physical violence between caregivers, their nervous system has been learning how to survive. That can show up at school as “behavior problems,” anxiety, stomachaches, or zoning out.
In many children, exposure to intimate partner violence can be traumatic, with reactions that mirror other forms of childhood traumatic stress, from nightmares and trouble concentrating to intense worry about safety. Not every child is affected the same way, but chronic exposure raises risk for long-term effects.
The American Academy of Pediatrics underscores that pediatric clinics and systems should respond with trauma-informed care and safe referral pathways, because intimate domestic violence (IPV) harms parents and children and can ripple through health, development, and learning.
What PTSD can look like in children who have lived with domestic violence
- Intrusive memories or distress tied to reminders, including ordinary sounds like shouting at a sports game.
- Sleep problems, nightmares, clinginess, or separation anxiety.
- Hyperarousal or irritability that teachers may label as “defiance.”
- Difficulty concentrating, lower participation in social activities, and higher rates of depression or anxiety in some groups of exposed children.
Not every child develops PTSD, and resilience is possible, especially when the non-abusive caregiver receives support and the child gets predictable safety, routines, and trauma-informed care.
A brief, real case example
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s public training materials include “Ella,” a school-age child who witnessed repeated violence at home. After separation from the abusive partner, Ella struggled with panic at school, jumpiness at loud sounds, and intrusive memories tied to places where incidents occurred. With caregiver support, school accommodations, and trauma-focused therapy, her symptoms decreased and school engagement improved. This case is anonymized and published for education, but it reflects what many families describe.
Safety first: get specialized domestic violence help
If you suspect current violence or coercive control, connect with trained advocates who can help you plan for safety and link you to emergency shelter, legal advocacy, and children’s services.
Eastern Virginia and statewide resources
- Virginia Statewide Sexual & Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-838-8238, text 804-793-9999, or use confidential chat. Free, 24/7. Advocates can connect you to local help.
- The Genieve Shelter (Western Tidewater region; emergency shelter, hotline, children’s services): 24/7 hotline 800-969-4673; more info at their site.
- YWCA South Hampton Roads (shelter, advocacy, counseling, support groups): regional hotline listed on their page and services across Chesapeake, Franklin, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Suffolk, Virginia Beach, and Southampton County.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 24/7 confidential support at thehotline.org.
National support & resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotline.org for 24/7 chat and resources.
- NCTSN parent guides for helping children after domestic violence.
If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. If you cannot safely call, the Virginia Statewide Hotline accepts text at 804-793-9999.
Note: WTCSB is not an emergency domestic violence service. For crisis safety planning and shelter, please contact the resources above. WTCSB can provide outpatient counseling support for children recovering from trauma after safety is established (see “Therapy and school supports” below).
How to talk with your child right now
- Name the feeling and give language for safety. For example: “You did not cause the fighting. You deserve to feel safe. It is my job to keep you safe.”
- Normalize common reactions. Nightmares, stomachaches, jumpiness, and big feelings are common after scary events. Let them know their body is reacting to stress.
- Avoid pressuring for details. Follow their lead. Share simple, age-appropriate truth. The NCTSN parent fact sheets offer guidance on what to say and how to support resilience.
Therapy and school supports that help
- Trauma-focused, child-centered therapy. Evidence-based approaches teach coping skills, process traumatic memories when appropriate, and strengthen the caregiver-child relationship. Coordination with a supportive caregiver is a core part of healing.
- Predictable routines and cues at school. Work with the school to provide a calm check-in adult, a quiet space for regulation, and clear plans for transitions and loud events that may act as triggers.
- Caregiver support. The non-abusive caregiver’s well-being directly affects child outcomes. Pediatric and family services increasingly emphasize trauma-informed care and connection to community advocates.
If your child is no longer in an unsafe environment and you are seeking counseling for recovery:
- WTCSB Counseling for Children and Teens: outpatient therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma reactions, and school-related stress. (WTCSB is not an emergency shelter or hotline service.)
When to seek immediate help
- Your child expresses thoughts of self-harm or harm to others.
- You believe the violence is ongoing or escalating.
- You or your child have injuries or fear returning home.
In these situations, call 911. For confidential, non-emergency support and safety planning, use the Virginia Statewide Hotline at 1-800-838-8238 or text 804-793-9999.
Why Domestic Violence Awareness Month matters
DVAM brings communities together to honor survivors, educate the public, and connect families to help. Marking it in October ties your story to a national effort that started more than four decades ago and continues to prioritize safety, survivor-centered services, and prevention.
If your family is living with the aftermath of domestic violence, you are not alone, and you are not to blame.
Safety comes first, and there are advocates who will walk with you step by step to make a plan that fits your situation. When you and your child are in a safe place, counseling can help them understand what happened, reduce anxiety and nightmares, and rebuild a sense of trust in the world.
During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, consider sharing the resource list with a friend, school counselor, or a pediatric office so more families can find help sooner. Healing is possible, one small, supported step at a time. To inquire about counseling, click here.
